the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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