My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
