Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Randomize
