I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I still have a little drunk in my system
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
