Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
