Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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