Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
