i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
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I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
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well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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