turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
