Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
