You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
