i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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