so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Success! We fucked roommates!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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