I just saw a hot homeless man
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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