Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
