so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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