i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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