how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
