haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
