I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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