Swine flu is the new snow day.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize