omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
operation harelip BJ is a go
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize