I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
this hospital has no fireball
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
