The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
