is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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