Don't you send me to vm
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
