It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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