I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
