My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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