Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize