i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
