just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
