youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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