It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
