You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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