and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
