I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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