So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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