Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
