I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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