i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
