Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
