So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
