Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
