Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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