I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.