I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
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so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE