So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
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there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
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He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp