I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?