The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
two words: eviction party
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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