we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
