Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
