They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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