I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
