He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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