It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
