i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize