Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
