you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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