she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
