moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
